


Tangled In The Great Escape

by mightymorphine



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Flashbacks, Infidelity, M/M, Mentions of Underage, Most relationships are past relationships, Smut, Song references, Substance Abuse, True Love, a little fluff, all my stories are in alternate universes, mostly louis centric, smut is only between one ship but i cant say which because spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-10 11:02:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5583373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mightymorphine/pseuds/mightymorphine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Imagine you're stuck in a cabin in the middle of nowhere with your boyfriend, his ex who is your former best friend, your first boyfriend and the love of your life whom you thought you lost forever. That's what Louis has to go through this holiday, and somehow the radio always seems to know what song to play.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tangled In The Great Escape

They say your first love sticks with you forever; like an unbreakable bond. You might fall out of love, but you’ll never fully stop loving. You’ll break up and move on, you’ll love other people just as much and even so much more, but there’s always a connection; like little strings of your soul are forever tied together.

Then there are three ways to fall in love. You can fall fast and hard, right away with no warning. It hits you like a brick wall, an instant gnawing need and connection and you just know from the start, this is where your heart is.  
You can grow into it; over time friendships can turn into crushes and you build and establish these feelings so slowly and steadily, you don’t realize until one day, there it is. It just hits you, you’re in love.  
Then there’s the love you force yourself into. The kind you seek out because your heart can’t bear the loneliness anymore. You’re drawn to the security and comfort someone has to offer, you need to be loved, and you need to love someone who wants your love. You tell yourself every day you love them just to silence the voice in your heart, screaming that you don’t.

Then there’s the same ways to fall out of love. You can wake up one day and realize it’s gone, just like that, like it was never there.  
You can grow out of it, slowly, at your own pace. You let your heart recover and mature in its own time and then you’re fine.  
Then, just like before, there’s the kind you force yourself out of. You hide away every last memory of them and pretend it was never there. You find someone else, close yourself off, build a wall of anger and cut away the part of you that was theirs. Deep down you know you can’t force your heart to do anything.

 

\--------

 

They’d all been friends since childhood. They grew up together, went to the same school and lived on the same street. Except for Niall, who lived in Ireland with his dad but spent all summers and holidays with his mum in England, who lived next door to Louis.  
Harry and Louis dated through most of school, and when they broke up they all thought it would tear the group of friends apart, but it didn’t. They managed to stay friends with minimum drama, despite all odds. Louis and Zayn dated briefly after that, but realized after a month that it was a silly relationship and went back to being best friends like nothing had ever happened. Harry went to college in LA and Zayn and Liam started dating. Niall moved to England and went to college with Louis. They got together, bought a place together and even adopted a cat. Louis had Niall’s initials tattooed on him. They were forever.  
When they broke up, Louis was broken. He moved in with Zayn and Liam and crashed on their couch until he could find something better. It was the three of them against the world now, for better or for worse.  
Until the night Zayn left. Liam woke up one morning and all of Zayn’s things were gone with him. No note or nothing.   
And then there were two.

 

\----------

 

“Lou, it’s time to get up!”  
Liam pulls the curtains apart, filling the room up with unwanted sunlight. Louis groans and buries himself further under the covers.  
“Nooooo….” He whines.  
“It’s noon!” Liam pulls the covers off Louis in one movement, earning a protest.  
“It’s cold!”

Liam rolls his eyes. _Typical Louis behavior_ … He gets back into bed and wraps his arms around Louis who instantly nuzzles up to his chest, absorbing his warmth.

“I just want to stay in bed today…”  
“I know, me too. But if we don’t get up now, we’ll never get there in time.”  
Louis’s eyes fly open and he bolts up.  
“That’s today?”  
Liam sighed and laughed.

  
Louis hauls the suitcase into the hallway of the house they’d shared for the past 8 months. They didn’t like the old place. Too much Zayn left in there.  
“Everything?” Liam asks, holding the door open. Louis nods.  
“God, Li. I think we forgot the tampons and the birth control!” He brings a hand to his mouth and gasps sarcastically and Liam just rolls his eyes. Liam never got his sarcasm. _That’s okay_ , he thinks.

 

Liam was the one who originally suggested the trip. The past weeks had been tough on them after a missed call from Zayn happened. _Zayn’s in London for the Holidays,_ he had thought. “Let’s get out of London for the Holidays.” He had said. He never called him back, just posted a selfie of himself and Louis on instagram, appropriately captioned _My Wonderwall._

“It’s snowing…” Louis states, still sleep-drunk and aching after sleeping with his head pressed up against the window. The sky is the kind of bright where there’s no sun, but it feels like you’re staring into god’s anus by the way it burns. He reaches to turn on the radio and attempts to go back to sleep on his other shoulder this time. “So I’m thinking…” Liam starts and Louis jolts back to consciousness. “We should get a dog.” Louis dries the puddle of saliva that collected on his cheek and rubs his neck. “A dog?” He looks at the trees by the road, feels inspired by how dead they seem, “I guess we could.”

 

_“What the fuck is this?” Niall was barely through the door when he noticed the new addition sitting on the table.  
“It’s a cat, Niall. I’m quite sure they have those in Ireland.” Louis opened a can of tuna and left it on the table in front of the cat.  
“Yeah I can see that it’s a cat. Why is there a cat on the table?”  
“He was outside work and he looked hungry so I fed him. And then he followed me. We’re keeping him!”  
“You can’t keep someone’s cat, Lou! Don’t I get a say in this?” The cat rubbed up against Niall, purring, and his expression softened. Niall stroked and scratched him as if it was out of instinct. “Alright, what’s his name?” He sighed in defeat. Louis joined in on the scratching. “George!” He declared proudly. “George?” Niall laughed and Louis just nodded. Niall knew better than to argue with Louis at this point. “Alright, George the cat. Welcome to the family.”_

They drive for four hours through the storm, only to find that the hotel had mostly burned down over the night.   
“The roads are closed off, we’ll provide you with a cabin!” The hotel manager assures them and gives them directions.  
“That doesn’t sound so bad, Lou. A private cabin! If anything, that’s better!”  
“Oh no the hotel only has one cabin, so you’ll have to share with a handful of people…”  
Louis groans and snatches the keys from the manager. “Let’s just go...”  
It takes them about 20 minutes to get there, and the storm gets worse gradually.  
“Since when does it snow this much in England?” Louis struggles with the key for a little bit before the door pops open. He drops his keys and jaw when they enter. _No way,_ sitting before them was a familiar sight.  
“Of all the people that I could have ended up sharing a cabin with…” His voice is deeper than before. “Louis Tomlinsson! And Liam fuckin’ Payne!” He gets out of the armchair by the fire to greet them both with a hug. “Harry, you wanker!”  He’s taller than before. They’ve met a few times after Harry moved to LA, but they still remember him as the dorky president of the photography club who left to study fashion and art in America. This Harry is spazzled from head to toe in expensive designer clothes, all grown up. Then again, they all are.  
“You here alone?” Louis asks, looking around, not wanting to encounter anything awkward.  
“Yeah, Nick’s in Cali. I just came out here to work for a few days… Inspiration and such…”  
“And now we’re snowed in.” Louis laughs. “And now we’re snowed in…” Harry repeats.  
“You still together then?” Liam asks as they put their bags away and locate a coat rack.   
“Of course, 7 years and counting. We’re getting married this spring, actually.”   
Liam gets the biggest smile on his face, congratulates him and pulls him in for a hug. Harry blushes. Wow, he’s grown up.

 

_“Lou, I’d never think less of you! You’re my best mate! If you tell me yours, I’ll tell you mine.” Harry insisted, flopped on his stomach on the bed while he gave Louis the puppy dog eyes and pout. Louis was sat on the floor in his boxer briefs and a shirt he most likely stole from Zayn. Harry was wearing his superman PJ pants and no shirt. Why wasn’t he wearing a shirt? Louis wanted to fake sick and go home. He could pull through if Zayn or Liam was with them, but this time only the two of them decided to have a sleepover. He had to share a bed with him and he wasn’t wearing a fucking shirt. He clutched the pillow in his arms and buried his face in it. “We know Zayn likes Perrie and Liam likes Danielle or whatever her name is, that rich one in year 5 and-” “It’s a boy.”  
Harry stopped for a minute, didn’t quite make out what Louis just mumbled into his pillow. “Sorry, what?”  “It’s a boy, I like a boy.” Louis felt like his heart turned into vomit.  
Harry slid off the bed gracefully. “I knew it!”  
“What?”  
“Who is it?” Harry pulled the pillow out of his arms. He positioned himself in Louis’s lap and from the stuttering, blushing and subtle hyperventilation, Harry already had his answer.  
“Oh my god, Lou! Have you got a crush on me?” This situation couldn’t possibly have gotten any worse. No hang on, it did. Somewhere between the friction and the closeness of this obnoxiously topless Harold on his lap, pre-teen Louis just had to test out his blood circulation, right there and then. And of course it had to rise beyond its full glory and grow an extra inch, just to jab Harry in the thigh, overflowing with pre-come through both layers of fabric. Harry looked at him, half shocked-half amused. Louis couldn’t do anything but look helplessly up at Harry. This was going to be okay, just think of Harry’s nan. Or girls, obviously just think of girls, he recited in his head, and whatever you do, don’t picture Harry eating a banana- oh god no. It twitched at the mere idea of it and moved right into Harry’s crotch, causing both boys to get wide-eyed; one out of confusion and the other out of panic. Just when things couldn’t possibly get any worse, Louis had been leaning up against an empty cardboard box which of course failed at that very moment, sending both boys falling dramatically backwards, one on top of the other with the lower one’s boner up against his crotch. To make matters even more dreadful, Harry instinctively grabbed at the back of Louis’s head to prevent injury when they hit the floor but ended up pulling his hair, the other hand went on his shoulder and his face went to his neck. The yell of panic Harry was supposed to make somehow came out as a deep moan. Louis instinctively grabbed at Harry’s hips, pulling him closer while he was already sliding closer. Somewhere between the grabbing, the moan and hot breath on his neck and Harry sliding along his pulsating problem, it was all too much for him, Harry ended up with scratchmarks up his back when poor, pre-teen Louis came very prematurely. Of course, because this was the worst luck day of his life, it was a huge load, practically soaking them both.  
Harry raised himself up a little, Louis still recovering, looked at Harry and gave him an apologetic shrug. There was an awkward silence before Harry chuckled. “So that’s a yes then? You do have a crush on me!”  
“Oh my god Harold!”_

Harry’s going through the cabinets looking for tea when they hear a car pull up. “How long have the two of you been together?” He finds something herbal and dunks it into his mug. “Just over a year,” Liam leans up against the fridge; pride in his eyes “is that a car?” Louis looks out the window but the drive-in and front door are just out of sight. He only sees the tail lights of some pickup truck. _Just like the one Niall used to drive. The one his dad gave him when he graduated, he still remembers the smile on his face. Maybe it’s the same one, maybe he sold it to erase the memories of him and Louis stargazing in the woods in the back of the truck…_ He turns and sighs into his mug and looks at Liam looking at him. Smiles while taking a sip. Harry jolts out to welcome their new housemates. Shrieks in excitement when he’s out of the kitchen. Louis laughs to himself… Oh Harry. Louis stops mid sip when he hears a voice that’s so familiar but he can’t put his finger on it because it’s muffled from the sound of the wind outside and Harry talking over it. _One of those voices, maybe…  
_ His heart stops when he hears the distinctive laughter. The laughter that gave him life, then kept him up at night. _It was the same fucking truck.  
_ He looks at Liam over the kitchen and they silently move closer to the doorway. A third voice joins in; a dark and raspy voice with a thick and messy northern accent. They both know the voice. Liam goes pale in the face and nearly drops his tea. “ _What are the odds…_ ”  Louis mouths at him and he nods.

They silently agree to take deep breaths and go out there. They’re adults, they can do this. Louis is mostly worried about holding back the urge to kill Zayn on sight but when he finally steps out of the kitchen, all he sees is Niall. He hasn’t seen him for almost two years and he looks the same, but different. He’s thinner and rougher but his cheeks are flushed red from the snow and he’s smiling for those few seconds before he notices Louis. His hair’s freshly cut and it’s been a while since he last dyed it because it’s more brown than blonde and he’s got glasses now and he’s perfect and Louis feels like his heart has turned to sand. He still remembers the last time he saw him.

 

_He bolted out of the sofa when Niall slammed the suitcase on the table. “Ni?”  
“I said I was leaving.”  
He had threatened it before but Louis never thought he actually had the guts and stopped taking him seriously. Now there was a suitcase on the table and Niall was putting his things in there.  
“Niall, babe… Please don’t do this.”  
“I’ve given you so many chances. I can’t do this anymore.” He was leaving, he was really leaving. Louis grabbed his arm as he stormed past. “Niall- don’t…” Niall was about to snap at him, fuming and holding back tears. “Don’t go… I’ll go.” Niall’s expression softened. “The flat’s registered on you anyway… I’ll crash at Zayn and Liam’s until I sort things out… I’ll leave tonight, I’ll come back tomorrow while you’re at work and get the rest of my things, leave the keys… Say bye to George…” He let go of Niall’s arm.   
“Really? You’ll leave? Just like that? Louis, I swear if this is another one of your manipulative tricks, I-” He had to stop so he wouldn’t cry. “No tricks… I’m just tired of fighting for something I don’t deserve.” Louis wanted to hold him so bad but he walked past him and into their bedroom. He sat on the bed for what felt like ages, with his gym bag he never used anyway, half packed on his lap. He finally got up and shoved some clothes from his side of the dresser into the bag and zipped it half way. He could hear Niall pacing back and forth in the kitchen. He turned and opened Niall’s side, dug around a little before he found his favorite Eagles shirt. He shoved in the bottom of the bag and closed it._

_He stood in the doorway, itching in his skin with bloodshot eyes. Numb and dying at the same time. He looked at Niall and wanted to beg but he couldn’t even do that to him.  
“This is it then…”   
Niall nodded.  
“I love you.”  
“Louis…”  
“I know. I just… I need you to know that.”  
Niall nodded again. He wanted him to say it back but he never did. He never came back for the rest of his things. That was the last time they saw each other._

Until now. They’re staring at each other across the room, it goes quiet and it hurts. Harry seems to recognize the awkwardness because he jumps at the opportunity to become the center of attention. “Ooh you bought groceries! I’m going to cook us some supper! Who’s hungry?” One by one they raise their hands awkwardly Harry yanks the bags out of Niall’s hands. “Zayn, would you come with me?”  
Liam breathes easier when Zayn has left the room.  
“You and Zayn came here together?” Liam finally breaks the silence.   
“Yeah. We met up when he came back to London and we both wanted to get out of the city so we booked a couple of rooms here and carpooled. And then the hotel was burned down…”  
Louis was so focused on Niall’s lips that he shrieked and dropped his empty teacup when some snow fell off the roof. They both burst out laughing at him. Harry pops out of the kitchen. “What’s going on?” “Lou just got scared of some snow…” Liam calls back. The two in the kitchen laugh as well. The tension feels lighter, Niall looks at him with poorly hidden affection and want, looks at Liam coldly.  
“Right, so. I’ve gotta go have a wee, been holding it in the whole way.” He shuffles away and finds the bathroom quickly. He wasn’t lying about the wee though; he really had been holding it in for almost four hours. He splashes his face with cold water and gives himself an inner-monologue pep-talk. He’s been scratching his arm through his jumper and it’s going to hurt if he doesn’t stop. He clutches the necklace through the jumper and breathes. Feels the shape of it through the fabric and feels easier.

 

After dinner they’re sat around the fire and Harry’s telling some wild story about a photography project he had in Hungary. Louis zones out every time Niall laughs. Liam has an arm around him, he feels tense, trying to pretend Zayn isn’t even in the room even though you could tell so easily how much his very presence is hurting him. He wants to get out of there and just like that, his phone rings.  
“It’s Mike.” He informs Liam before getting up to take it in the kitchen. Feels the necklace through the fabric, Liam acknowledges it and nods.

They hear him in the kitchen and go quiet to hear the occasional dialogue. _“No I’m on vacation with Liam.” “No I’ll meet you when I get back into town, how was it?”_ The other side of the line is only static to them. Niall looks at Zayn questioning, only gets a shrug in return. _“Donuts? The one time I miss it and she brings donuts? What the fuck am I doing out of town?!”_ His laughter is soft and kind, which is rare for Louis.  
He returns to the lounge and Liam asks what’s up. “The one time I miss a meeting, and they have donuts… I never miss meetings and all they ever have is coffee…” He sits down in the armchair instead of next to Liam who laughs affectionately.  Harry gets up to clean the kitchen and makes Liam come with him because he’s the only one who can be tricked into doing all the work. Niall and Zayn exchange looks before the latter one gets up to have a smoke on the screened porch.

Then it’s just the two of them in the lounge, the cracking of the fireplace and the sound of Niall’s fingertips drumming on the cup. All this time and Louis still remembers every bit of his body language. He wants to break the silence but he’s never been good at finding the right words for anything. He’s on edge and his little nervous ticks are showing up one by one. Louis’s head is full of little conversation starters he’s saved up for seeing him again; he can’t stand seeing him freaking out like this.  
“So how’s George doing?”  
Niall breathes easier instantly, tries to hide his sigh of relief when he sits back and turns to Louis with a smile.  
“He was feeling a bit under the weather the other day so I took him to the vet…”  
“Is he okay?”  
“Yeah, he’s fine, just a little fat… And as it turns out… George is pregnant!”  
Louis coughs on his tea a little bit. “George is a girl?” and Niall nods and laughs. “George is a girl and he’s pregnant. You’re gonna be a granddad!” and Niall almost snorts. His smile is warm with affection but his eyes are cold and full of questions.  
“So you’re still hanging out with Mike then?” Niall seems to be trying his best to hold his bitterness back, he always hated him.  
“Well yeah, we go to meetings together. It’s the first one I miss and he said he’d check up on me.” He was waiting for the topic to come up, doesn’t know if Niall knows. They haven’t talked. The look of confusion on Niall’s face tells him Zayn’s told him nothing. Of course he hasn’t. “Meetings?”  
Louis pulls the pendant on his necklace, a dark grey coin with silver lettering in it, from under his jumper, holds it out for Niall to take it in his hands and examine it.   
“18 months? I didn’t know you were clean…”  
“It’s more like 20 months, but I don’t get the next coin until the two year mark…” He puts the necklace back into his jumper. Niall seems impressed.  
“I didn’t think you…”  
“That I could do it?” Louis mocked and Niall immediately seemed embarrassed.   
“No I just… Yeah I guess. 20 months, eh?”  
“Roughly, yeah.” And Niall just nods like he’s pretending not to know what it represents but he also knows he’s not fooling anyone. “How many chips do you get?”  
“Well I just have this one and the glow in the dark one on my keychain. I have the blue one on like a plaque at home, mum has the orange one and Lottie has the green one. Liam has the red and yellow ones on his keychain and I gave Zayn my white one but he probably doesn’t have it anymore.”  And Niall smiles so full of pride because they both know he lost faith in him a long time ago.   
Harry and Liam return from the kitchen and Zayn comes back inside and goes right back to the fireplace. “It’s getting worse out there…” he finds a blanket on the couch and wraps himself up in it before pouring another cup of tea. “Going to be a blizzard.”  
“A blizzard? In England?” Niall gets up and walks to the window, Harry groans into his cup. “Why didn’t I just stay in Cali…”  
It’s getting dark pretty dark outside and Harry has lit some candles, miraculously without burning his hair. He gets this mischievous grin on his face like he just wants to make things awkward for everyone else. “So Zayn are you still seeing that guy?” And Zayn jumps in his seat and gives him this slightly panicked, slightly impressed look. “How did you know about that?” And this time Liam jumps in his seat. Looks hurt and insulted. Louis rolls his eyes internally at his reaction. _Like you have any right…_ But is really praying on the inside that Niall hasn’t found anyone.  
“I just know things! The dancer guy, right?” Harry smiles and Zayn blushes so much you can feel the heat radiating off him.  
“Yes, Haz. I’m still seeing him. It’s not that serious but yeah.” He wants to place the headlight on someone else… “Niall, we haven’t talked about your love life yet!” And Louis wants to throw up.   
And now it’s Niall’s turn to jump in his seat but he doesn’t. “Love life? I have a cat and a Playstation… I don’t even have a social life…” And Louis breathes easier but still feels guilty for things he shouldn’t have to.  
“Lou, you okay?” And Liam puts an arm around him. “Oh don’t worry, I’d be pretty pissed off too if I was stuck in a cabin with all my exes in one room…” Harry laughs and Louis shoots him a glare. Liam holds Louis tighter and rolls his eyes. “Guess I’ll just have to take care of him later…” And he never acts like that so Louis knows it’s to piss off Zayn. He just looks at Harry with dead eyes, allowing him to make the situation as chaotic as he wants and Harry grins in return. “Oh so now you’re threatening him?!” And Liam turns with a shocked face while the other three hold back their laughter. “What’s that supposed to mean?” And Louis signals Harry to keep going. “Well, it’s basic profiling, you’re not a very… Mouthy person, obviously.” Liam was never a quick thinker, obviously. All he can do was ask Harry again what he means. He knows what he means, mostly, but he needs him to clarify.   
“I mean you’re probably- obviously, actually, rubbish at sucking cock!” And Liam’s jaw drops while he gasps in an insulted manner. Harry gives the biggest shit-eating grin and Louis bursts out laughing, can’t hold it back anymore. The remaining two end up laughing at Louis trying to keep it together with a mouth full of tea and Liam waiting for him to calm down.  
“Come on Lou,” Harry calls out, as his final trick of the night. “Teach him how to swallow!” And Louis loses it, tea spraying out of his mouth and nostrils, all over himself and the coffee table… Niall’s holding his stomach, almost falling off the couch and Zayn is in tears. When Louis is finally done laughing, Liam asks “Really?” and Louis starts laughing again. He shrugs and nods because he can’t get a word out now. Liam turns to Zayn, who’s also laughing. “You too?” And  Zayn freezes. The very first time either of the two have acknowledged him today, and it’s on the topic of Liam’s blowjob skills (or lack thereof.)   
“I, uhm… Well. It’s okay to be bad at some things… Most people improve over the duration of six years but you have other skills… Like… Uh…” Zayn’s just stuttering and Louis is curled into a ball of silent laughter and tea. “You’re quite tall!” Niall chimes in and Zayn agrees “You’ve got that going for you.”  
Liam groans and sighs. “I know what this is, Haz. This is revenge for that time we went camping and I accused you of having a small willy.”  
“I proved you wrong though, didn’t I?”  
“I’m not going to suck everyone’s dick to prove you wrong!”  
“To be fair you only have two to go…”  
Niall finally steps in, no longer laughing, like he’s been reminded of the reality of the situation. “Harry! You’re getting married, and-” he turns to Liam eyeing him up and down quickly with a hint of disgust in his eyes. “-and no fucking way, mate. It’s time to get you to bed… What the fuck is in this tea?” He has his fists clenched and he’s shaking a little. Harry returns to his true self and leads Niall into the kitchen. Zayn bolts after them, not wanting to stay in the room with the remaining two.

 

_He’d been laying there for what felt like five minutes and six hours simultaneously. Zayn had just put a new pillow in his lap for Louis to lie on because the last one was soaked with sweat and the tears that kept running on their own. Zayn’s hand had been on his neck the entire time and he’d whine if he took it away. The blankets weren’t keeping him warm and he was in the most pain he’d ever been in in his whole life but not a single part of him wanted another fix, because this only hurt half as much as losing Niall. He could make out Liam bringing a bucket to the couch and a wet towel to his forehead. He could make out the radio playing that Blue October song he’d never even thought about until then  
/the one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again/   
and his body went into another spasm.  
“Won’t this be easier in rehab? Don’t they have pills to help him get clean without the whole withdrawal scenario?”  
“He won’t go until he’s clean. He says he deserves this.”_

There’s only two bedrooms so Liam and Louis share one, Harry insists on taking the other one for himself _because he’s a primadonna_ and Zayn and Niall are in the lounge.

Louis is sitting on the bed, staring at some weird painting on the wall while Liam walks around the room and searches through the luggage. He looks down on his arm, at the tattoo of a daisy that he got in his sister’s honor to cover his track marks, as one of so many promises to his family. Liam kisses his cheek rather than his shoulder when he gets into bed, and it’s weird, he never does this. This is something only Niall did, and he knows it. He gets up in a hurry and grabs a pair of sweatpants out of the suitcase before he utters a quick “gonna shower.” and rushes out. He shuffles quietly through the living room where Niall is asleep on the couch and Zayn is dozing off on his phone on the floor. He does take a really quick shower but then he leaves it running for a bit as he sits on the floor and unwraps the Eagles shirt from the bundled up sweatpants. He ends up clutching it and crying, feels like a little kid with a blanket, homesick in summer camp.

  
When he gets out of the bathroom, Zayn’s already asleep. He can’t resist stopping by the back of the couch and looking at Niall sleep for a moment. The way the faint light from the fire lights up one side of his face and the moon lights up the other, it captures every last perfect detail of him. He opens his eyes in a dreamy, sleep-drunk state “Louis?” he asks with a high and raspy voice, indicating that he’s still mostly asleep. He cups Louis’s face clumsily and smiles. “You’re so pretty…” And Louis leans into his hand and smiles back at him, before his hand drops back down and he falls asleep again. He utters “I miss you so much…” into the pillow before he starts snoring and Louis feels like his stomach has turned to ash.

He returns to the bedroom and shoves his things into his bag before going to the kitchen and staring out the window in silence.

“Can’t sleep?” Harry’s voice is soft enough to not startle him. He shakes his head in response and Harry joins him in staring out the window.

“You remember my 14th birthday?”  
“You mean when I broke my leg?”  
Harry laughs “yeah that one. You had a head cold or something, your mum wouldn’t let you leave the house because you were too sick…”  
“So I climbed out the window on the third floor, fell and broke my leg and messed my face up.”  
“And you still showed up.”  
“I still remember how loud Liam screamed when he answered the door.” Louis laughs  
“You walked across the street with a broken leg and a bloody face.”  
“In the middle of February. Through sleet.”  
“In your pajamas.”  
“In my fucking pajamas.”  
“Then you showed up and kissed me, wished me a happy birthday and then you passed out.”  
“I’m so fucking romantic.”  
“You had to spend like two weeks in the hospital with pneumonia. You had to have surgery on your leg. How many stitches was it to your face again?”  
“Seven stitches. Not to mention the fact I lost a tooth and had to get surgery for that as well.”  
“Good times.”  
They stood in silence for a moment before Harry chuckled “Liam’s face though…” and they both started laughing again.  
“So I was just going to binge watch on crappy reality shows, you in?” And Louis wasn’t going to get any sleep done so he agrees.

 

_“Mum, I need to tell you something.”  
She sat down in front of him and took his hand. “Go ahead love?”  
He inhaled deeply. “I think I’m gay.”  
“I know.” She smiled.  
“You- You know?” He was expecting a lecture about how he was too young and didn’t know any better.  
“I’ve seen how you look at Harry. Does he know?”  
“Well yeah… He’s my boyfriend.” And her smile grew tenfold.  
“How long?”  
“How long have I been gay?”  
“You’ve been gay from the day you were born; I’m not an idiot Boo-bear. How long have you and Harry been together?”  
“Like a month now… I really like him.”  
“I know. Does his mum know?”  
“I think he’s telling her now.”  
“Have you told your friends?”  
“I wanted to tell you first…”  
She kissed his hand.  
“Are you using protection?”  
“Mum! I’m 12!”  
“Just asking…”_

He wakes up in a very stupid position, sprawled across the bed the wrong way with one of his legs hanging off the side. Harry’s sleeping mostly normally, aside from the fact that he’s snuggling a bag of marshmallows. He gets up and leaves quietly. Zayn’s still asleep on the floor but Niall isn’t on the couch. He can faintly hear the shower running so he assumes that’s where he is. He goes into the bedroom to get dressed which wakes Liam up.  
“You never came back?”  
“I did, you were asleep so I just ended watching Storage Wars with Harry all night.”  
And Liam nods and falls back asleep. He watches him sleep for a little bit. He’s so handsome, and such a kind soul. He could look at him for hours without getting bored, but he’ll never make his heart feel like it’s made of fire, he’ll never say the very words he’s thinking because they’ll never connect like that. Maybe they never belonged to each other to begin with.

He grabs his coat and shoes, and goes out onto the porch. Zayn is there and he looks at him and he feels like he’s going to hit him.  
“Lou, can we talk?”  
“About what?”  
He seems thrown off.  “I don’t know, things, I guess.”  
“Now you want to talk? You couldn’t talk when you left, could you? Couldn’t you say anything then? And it’s not like you haven’t had a chance to do so, it’s been well over a year and you’ve said nothing.”  
“Lou…”  
“No, okay. You didn’t have anything to say to me then, I have nothing to say to you now.”

He storms off out of the porch and into the blizzard. He realizes right away that this was a bad idea but he’s too proud to turn back. He wanders off and he’s lost and he’s freaking out because he can’t see anything but the storm. It’s freezing, his face hurts and he’s having a panic attack out there. He feels an arm wrap around him, holding him tightly, as he’s guided somewhere indoors.

“You shouldn’t wander off like that.”  
“Niall? You followed me?”  
“There’s only so many times you can get pneumonia out of stubbornness and stupidity before you die, Louis.” It’s probably supposed to be an insult but there’s so much love in his voice.  
“Where are we?”  
Niall turns on the flashlight on his phone “Looks like a sauna, saw it when we drove up here yesterday.” He finds a gas light that miraculously works and fills the sauna up with dim lighting before putting his phone away. He’s shaking, he doesn’t have a coat on, just a jumper and pajama pants and the ends of his hair are frozen. Louis holds him in his arms almost instinctively. The scent of his bodywash fills his nose and he buries his face in his neck as he holds him tighter. Niall has his arms around his waist, under his coat and holds him like he always used to. All these feelings, all at once and he’s light headed.  
“I’m sorry…” He mumbles into his shoulder and feels himself getting pulled in closer. Cold hands slide up under his shirt.   
“I know.” Niall replies  
“Were you asleep last night?” He wanted to ask if he remembered but it comes out like this.  
“No.” Niall answers with a hint of shame in his voice and starts to pull his hands back down.  
“I miss you more.” Louis quickly says and Niall stops. He backs away and looks at him before kissing him in such a rush that Louis doesn’t know what’s happening for the first few seconds. There’s a hand in his hair and a tongue in his mouth and the rest of the world doesn’t exist right now. There’s only Niall, he’s all that’s ever mattered. It’s a weird way to describe it but his kisses always tasted creamy and the hot air from his lungs felt better than any drug he ever tried. He pulls away with glossy eyes and puffy lips looking at him with the same begging eyes that he always used to, the eyes that got him every time. Louis falls to his knees out of instinct before Niall even has a chance to react to this. He kisses down his hip bones before biting him slowly and viciously, until he tastes blood. He then takes him in his mouth, because that’s where he really belongs.

15 seconds is all it takes.

“Before you attempt to embarrass me, know that you’re the only person, apart from myself, that’s ever touched this cock. So, yeah.”  
“Seriously? No one but me? You’ve never been with anyone but me?” Niall shakes his head. “Not even after we broke up?”   
“Didn’t feel right, didn’t want to…”  
“Oh my god…” He leans his head back  
“Yeah, I know… I’m kinda pathetic…” and his accent really pops out there and sends shivers through Louis’s body…  
“No I’m actually just thinking about how tight you must be right now…” and Niall’s eyes widen up. “Oh…” he replies, intrigued.  
Louis digs through his coat until he finds something that’s been in there a very long time.  
“Is that…?”  
“It’s not a condom, it’s a lube in a wrapper.”  
“Have you been tested? I mean cause…” he means to say cause of the heroin but he doesn’t like saying the words. He wants to pretend nothing happened. Louis knows this. He also knows their sex life died because Niall was so scared of him actually having AIDS. He did get tested in rehab. Him and Mike also went frequently together, just to be sure.  
“You seriously think I’d ever put you in that kind of risk? Yeah, of course I’ve been tested. I’m clean, scouts honor.”  
“Scouts honor?”  
“I can call my mum and have her send you pictures of my doctor’s report if you want?”  
“No, I believe you…”

 

He lays Niall down on the bench and gets on top of him, then he’s inside of him and it feels so good, it’s been so long. The feel of his skin under his fingertips is incredible and the taste of his kisses are driving him insane. The moans he produces have always felt like they were engineered for him; this is what he thinks about in the shower. He goes softly to go easy on him because the last thing he wants is to hurt him but he quickly remembers what Niall is like in bed, begging him to go harder and deeper, needing him to borderline hurt him. His arms and legs are wrapped around him as he lifts him up and slams him against the wall, knowing he can go deeper this way.   
He’s so pretty in the light from the gas lamp, with his hair sticking to the sweat on his forehead and he looks at him with those fucking blue eyes that can’t even be human and he can’t hold it in any longer…  
“Louis…” And Louis doesn’t stop because he’s so close yet so far… “Yeah?”  
“I love you.”

And Louis freezes, cums, and then freezes again.

He’s still holding him up, he’s still inside him, he just blew a huge load into him and he can feel it… And he bursts into tears.   
He lets go of Niall who quickly gets his pants back on and shuffles both of them to the bench.

“I’m sorry, it just slipped out…”  
“So you didn’t mean it?”  
“Of course I meant it! You know I love you.” _There it was again_ “I’ll always love you.”  
“I wanna come home…” He cries into Niall’s jumper “I wanna come back home and be a family again… With you and Mildred…”  
“…Mildred?”  
“We can’t exactly call her George, can we?”  
“No, I don’t suppose we can…”

They sit there for the longest time, Louis’s crying fades out and Niall just holds him.

 

_Niall and Louis had been living together for about a week when they decided to go out drinking to celebrate the Irishman’s move to London. Harry scored a job as a bartender at their favorite queer bar so they always got in, no questions asked…  
“Where’s Zayn and Liam?” Niall called out over the music when Louis returned with the drinks.  
“They stayed home, Zayn’s got work in the morning or something.”  
“What about Harry?”  
Louis just shrugged and downed his drink. “Let’s dance?”  
Niall looked at him a little shocked, god he looked so cute in his Eagles shirt with his hair all in the air and it was driving him off the walls. He grabbed his wrist and dragged him onto the dancefloor.  
It was 80’s night or something and Depeche Mode was playing so loud you had to yell into each other’s ear but he held him tight with his arms around his neck and he could feel his heartbeat about to burst through his chest and into his own. He knew why because of course the guys told him everything he said to them about how he felt.   
“You’re such an idiot, Neil.”  
“What? Why?”  
“I’m not out of your league! You’re way out of mine, you nitwit!”  
There was a silence before Niall spoke, trying to puzzle the situation together. “I’m going to fucking kill Zayn…” Louis could feel him blush where his cheek was pressed up against his neck. Did he seriously not get what he was trying to say? He sang along to the song directly into Niall’s ear, “All I ever wanted, all I ever needed is here in my arms…” he pulled away, gesturing the fact that Niall was in his arms… He stared at him stupidly with the widest eyes and the song continued /words are very unnecessary/ and he agreed so he went in for a kiss. That was the night they started dating, the night Niall lost his virginity and he wouldn’t take the smile off his face for a week._

“I’m going to have cum dripping out of me arse all day…” Niall finally breaks the silence and Louis snorts.  
“I thought you liked that…”  
“Not when I’m stuck in a tiny cabin with all the guys, especially your… Boyfriend…” he says the last part with such disgust and resentment in his voice that Louis can’t help but laugh.  
“Oh yeah… I should probably do something about that…”  
“And fockin’ Harry, who’s fockin’ psychic or something…”  
“Oh my god, he’s going to know right away… He always knows.”  
“We’ll figure something out…”  
And Louis wants to stay in the stupid sauna forever now, wants to stay safe and isolated from the world with Niall in their own little bubble.

“How long have we been out here?” Louis snaps back to reality.  
“Shit…” Niall gets his phone out again. “Shit, we’ve been out here for two hours.”  
“They haven’t called or texted…”  
“There’s no reception…”  
“Fuck.”

 

There was dry firewood in the sauna so they turn that into their excuse for being away for so long.

 

The power went off while they were away and there was no firewood left so their return was greatly celebrated.   
“Firewood, oh my gosh!” Harry is wearing two sets of designer bathrobes over his pajamas and under his coat and blanket. It’s almost as cold inside as it was outside… He yanks the firewood out of Louis’s hands and tosses it to Liam who’s wearing what appears to be three sweatpants, a hoodie over a jumper and slippers that look like crocodile feet.   
While Liam’s starting the fire, the pair follows Harry into the kitchen where Zayn’s sitting on the counter in a onsie and an ushanka hat, covered in at least three blankets.   
“Why is Zayn on the table?” Niall asks Harry, and Harry quotes a sitcom they used to watch “he likes to feel tall..” and they all laugh.  
Harry nudges his head towards the living room where Liam is and Niall nods.

 

_A trip to Benidorm seemed like a good idea to everyone but Zayn. Everyone was in the pool except for him. He sat on a chair in a safe distance with a book and his shirt still on… He didn’t want to go but Liam’s damn grandparents got him a ticket too. He couldn’t be rude.  
“Zayn, aren’t you going in the pool?” Niall plopped down next to him.  
“Nope, and neither should- Aaaaaiiieeeegh!” He shrieked in horror and clasped his mouth when he saw Niall.  
“What?”  
“You literally look like a baconstrip! Your Irish skin is not built for Spain! LOU! LOU WILL YOU TAKE THIS BOY INSIDE AND PUT HIM ON ICE?!”_

_Liam emerged from the water, like it was slow motion. The water glistened in the sunlight and brought out his arms and abs. Zayn swallowed hard, breathing heavily. The badboy himself, who proudly lost his virginity to Louis in the bed of the girl who had a crush on him, at her birthday party, no less… She cried for a week when she found out. He also became a legend when he left a used condom in the teacher’s coffee… The very same badboy was hyperventilating into a book over the way the water weighed down Liam’s shorts and brought out the outline of his… Yeah.  
“You gonna get in the water, Z?”  
Zayn shook his head.  
“You gonna keep on avoiding me?”  
Zayn nodded.  
Liam took the book out of his hands and put it on the table before picking him up and carrying him to the water. He counted down from three and got ready to toss him in but Zayn held onto him so tightly that he ended up going in with. Somewhere in the commotion they ended up kissing mid-fall.  
Zayn was clinging to Liam like a scared cat as Liam kept them both afloat.  
“Liam…” Zayn panicked “I need to tell you something…”  
“I think you just did…” Liam kissed him again.  
“Well yeah, but no. I can’t swim and I have a severe fear of open water…”  
“Oh. Oh shit oh my god I’m so sorry.”_

The cabin slowly becomes warmer as they’re all huddled up under blankets in front of the fire. Louis slides his wet socks off and wiggles his toes at the warmth. On the top of his foot there was a crudely written “-NJH.” that he got from an old letter from Niall, from back when they were kids in separate countries. Niall notices and smiles at this, smiles every time he sees it. Louis remembers how he tried not to sob when he first saw it. It’s the most important piece of skin on his body.

 

_“You, Lewis, right?”  
“Louis.” Mike corrected.  
He looked up briefly and nodded.  
“You’ve been here a few times already, but you’ve never said anything. Are you ready to tell us your story?”  
He looked around and all eyes were on him. Some were excited to see what he had to say, full of compassion and understanding. A few he’d overheard after last time he was there, talking behind his back about how he was some spoiled rich kid who was just going to get drunk again as soon as he left the clinic. He’d been coming willingly since he got there so, might as well. He took a deep breath and sat up straight.  
“Okay I guess… My name’s Louis and… And I’m a drug addict.”  
“Hi Louis...”  
“I’ve been sober for almost a month now. I’m 22, I started doing drugs when I was 20, so, two years. It started off as experimenting with pills because, well, it was the thing to do, I suppose. Of course it only spiraled into absolute shit and I started doing coke and pretty much everything I could get my hands on. I’d lose my temper a lot and I was driving everyone away. Lost my job, dropped out of school… My family threatened to disown me and at this point I knew it was a problem and I had to do something.”  
“That’s when you decided to get clean?”  
“No, that’s when I decided to start doing heroin and morphine instead. Being the fucking idiot that I am I figured that being a zombie was better than aggressive… It got worse and I’d disappear for days. My friends would have to go looking and then find me in really fucked up places. Remember Mike’s story last week about his friend that he woke up in a sewer with? Yeah that was me.”  
“Yeah that was it for me, rock bottom…” Mike shot in.  
“I showed up to my mum’s birthday fresh from yet another party and my family still won’t see me. I kept saying I’d sober up but we all knew I was lying.”  
“So what was it for you? Did you seek help because of your family issues?”  
He slumped down a little in his seat, remembering him, chewing the inside of his cheek a little too hard.  
“Louis?”  
“We were together for five years. Five years, we were just kids, just 17. And he was so full of life and he’d light up a room when he walked into it. He was sunshine, he’s the love of my life and I fucked it up. He kicked me out last month because he couldn’t take it anymore. The lies, the worries, the broken promises and that’s where I realized that no high on earth was worth it anymore. Nothing was worth losing him. That’s why I’m here.”_

“Does anyone want to hear a ghost story.”  
“Shut up Harold, your ghost stories aren’t scary.”  
“They are too!”  
“They’re as scary as your jokes are funny.”  
And everyone except for Harry laughs.  
“I think I’m funny…”

 

“Okay what about this topic, why is everyone here?”  
“Because the roads are closed you idiot, and there’s a fucking storm out there.”  
“Lou, you truly are a bundle of holiday spirit.”  
“No but really, why is everyone here? Like, not with their families on Christmas. I was personally avoiding Nick’s strange family and did plan to go home tomorrow…”  
“Me brother’s with me family this year and I didn’t want to deal with that again.” Niall is the first to speak out. Louis follows. “I met your brother the other day and he asked me about you.”  
“What did you say?”  
“I didn’t want to make things awkward so I said you were doing great and I’d tell you he said hi when I got home.” And Niall laughs.  
“I’m personally avoiding going back home because my extended family always looks at me with such disapproval.” Louis announces.  
“Don’t look at me, I haven’t spoken to my family since I came out.” Zayn finally spoke up  
“That’s like, seven years, right?”  
“Nine. I was 15.”  
“Yeah he used to live at my house remember?” Louis speaks up and this is the first time he acknowledges Zayn without yelling at him.  
“I thought that was just because you dated?”  
“I thought it was because you were so messed up after Harry dumped you?” Liam jokes and Harry hits him with his Versace slipper. “Ow…”  
“No that was like a month, this was for like 2 years, even after him and Liam started dating. My mum just took him in, just like that. Already had a ton of other kids but she didn’t care.”  
“It was like a really long slumberparty.” Zayn jokes and everyone breathes a little easier because at least they’re finally getting along again. They stay up reminiscing until it’s dark outside and Liam’s starting to dose off.

“I’m gonna head off, Lou, you coming?”  
And Louis looks at the guys and Niall looks back at him like he’s begging him not to go to bed with Liam.  
“Eeeeh, I’m not that tired. You go ahead, I’ll be there later, yeah?”  
“Alright…” Liam shrugs and goes into the bedroom.  
Zayn’s mostly asleep on Harry’s shoulder and Harry looks at Louis and Niall wiggling his eyebrows.  
“What?”   
“You rascals…”  
Harry leaves with Zayn’s arm around his shoulder, supporting him into his room.  
“Told you he’d know…”  
“How does he always know?”

 

_“Did it hurt?”  
“Only at first.” Zayn shook his head.  
“We should probably head home soon, Niall’s going to want his car back…”  
“Not yet, can we just lay here and stargaze a little?”  
“Yeah we can do that.”  
  
_

_“Hey Zayn?”  
“Yeah?”  
“I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you, is that okay?”  
Zayn’s heart was bursting out of his chest. “Yeah, that’s perfect.”_

_Liam got up and jumped off the truck and headed off  
“Liam? Liam, where are you going?”  Zayn jumped out and ran after him.  
Liam stopped at a nearby tree and pulled out a knife.  
“Would you think I was lame for doing this?”  
“Very lame. Do it.”_

Zayn wakes up bright and early before everyone else and gets up quietly. He gets dressed without waking Harry up and goes out into the living room. The power is back on and the storm is over. Louis is asleep on the couch on his stomach, with his arm hanging off, holding hands with Niall who’s sleeping on the mattress on the floor. Seeing them together again like this warms his heart. He takes a sharpie and writes on Louis’s arm without waking him up, grabs his coat and sneaks out.

_Happy birthday Lou  
Sorry about everything_

_-Z_

He’s sitting in the car with the radio on when Liam gets into the passenger side.

“Running away again?”  
“I’m snowed in.”  
“Were you going to steal my car?”  
“It’s my car, I just left it with you when I left the country…”  
“That’s a valid point…”

Lana Del Rey comes on the radio at this absolutely perfect moment and they both acknowledge it and laugh a little through their groans.

“You were wearing a white shirt and blue jeans when we first met.” Liam points out  
“Really?”  
“Yep. Do you remember it?”  
“Yeah I think so, it was-” _But I still remember that day we met in December._ “- in December… Oh Lana…” Zayn laughs  
“I thought you were following me home but you actually lived next door to me.”  
_Said you had to leave to start your life over, I was like “no please, stay here.”  
_ “I had these dreams, okay. I had the chance of a lifetime and you didn’t want me to leave.”  
“I would have waited.”  
“You said you wouldn’t handle a long distance relationship.”  
“You could still have said at least something.”  
“You would have followed me.”  
“Of course I would have followed you! I-”  
_But when you walked out that door, a piece of me died.  
_ Zayn took his hand and laced their fingers together.  
“I know.”  
“The only thing stopping me from following you was-”  
_Promise you’ll remember that you’re mine_  
“A crippling fear of Louis relapsing if you’d leave him.”  
_I will love you ‘till the end of time…  
_ “I’m not in love with Louis. I mean he’s amazing, he’s-”  
“A powerbottom with no gag reflex?” Zayn jokes  
“Well, true, but it was never about sex. It was more like… Comfort? Comfort through loneliness.”  
“That and he’s really fucking hot.”  
“That helps, yeah. Not as hot as you though, I mean you’re not even human, you’re so breathtaking.”  


The radio is done with the commercial break and the music starts again.

_Hello, it’s me._

“Oh fuck no!” Liam quickly turns it off. “Had about enough of you, Adele!”  
Zayn leans back in the seat and laughs before turning to him. “Fuck, I miss you.”  
“Didn’t think you would, did you? And then I was actually quite the catch!”  
“Don’t think leaving you wasn’t the hardest thing I’ve done in my life. I almost stayed, but you know I had to go. I had to be selfish, just this one time.”  
“Yeah, right.”  
Zayn pulls his necklace from under his shirt. On it, the white chip Liam remembers Louis giving him after he got out of rehab, and a silver ring that he holds up.  
“Now you’re telling me you’re engaged to your dancer boyfriend?”  
“You remember that poem I wrote you? Our third anniversary I think?”  
“Yeah of course I remember. I have a line tattooed.”  
He gestures the _I figured it out…_ on his forearm. It’s covered by his coat but Zayn knows it’s there.  
Zayn hands him the ring, still attached to the chain and he reads the inscription.

_Nothing can come between you and I._

Liam doesn’t say anything but Zayn takes the necklace back and puts it back on.

“I wanna try again.” Liam finally says. “I want you back.”  
“I’m moving back to London in May. We can sort things out then, if you still want to?”  
“Don’t you have a boyfriend?”  
“Don’t you?”  
Liam sighs and leans back in the car seat. “I’m pretty sure he’ll be okay. I think he’s still hooked on Niall.”  
Zayn laughs “I don’t think it’s possible to love anything in this world even half as much as Louis loves Niall.”  
And then they kiss. It’s a quick, soft kiss but it gets the point across.

 

Zayn’s first to go through the porch and Louis is there with a cup of tea and a cigarette. He pinches Zayn’s bum. “Thought you were leaving us again!”   
“Not just yet!” and then he’s gone inside. Liam’s next on the porch. He looks at Louis who nods and they take a seat on a bench.

“So.”  
“So…”  
“I’m shit with words.” Liam sighs and Louis shrugs “I know.”  
They stare at the snow for a moment.  
“Why did we even start dating?”  
“Hey we were pretty good together, we just…”  
“Have our hearts elsewhere?”  
“Yeah.”  
“You want to work things out with Zayn.”  
“And you want to be with Niall.”  
“More than anything, really.”  
“This was so much easier than I thought.”  
Louis shrugs. “Still best friends?”  
“Always.”  
They get up and hug it out, and like the past year never even happened, there’s no tension, no awkwardness, it all just fades away.  
“Happy birthday by the way…”  
“Thanks mate.”

 

They get inside and Harry is taking a cake out of the oven.  
“Happy birthday Lou!”  
They all go for a round of hugs, welcoming him into the land of 24 year olds but when he gets to Niall he decides to throw all caution to the wind and just kiss him. He pulls away looking all shocked. Louis grins mischievously like he always does. Then Harry reaches out and pinches him exactly where Louis bit him the day before.  
“Ow! How do you always know?” And Harry just snickers.  
“Ni?”  
“Louis, you can’t just pull this shit, you can’t just mess with my head like that.”  
“I’m not. That’s literally the opposite of what I’m doing… That’s what you’re doing right now.”  
“You always do this. You walk out on me, and then you date my best friend and suddenly you show up out of the blue and fuck me just to cause chaos?”  
The other three of them are standing in complete silence before they decide to quietly shuffle off to the kitchen in an orderly fashion.  
“Walk out- You kicked me out!”  
“You left! You left without a fight. I just wanted you to know you could lose me so you’d fight for it. And then you’re happy as soon as you’re without me.”  
“I’m not happy, I’m sober. I never have and I never could be happy without you. It’s just… Emptiness.”  
“So why did you just leave. Why just leave like it was nothing?” Niall is raising his voice a little too much at this time so Louis yells back at him. “I NEVER DESERVED YOU!” and Niall is shocked and wide-eyed. “what?” and Louis’s eyes are watering. “You were- are- my life. You’re so perfect and you were always too good for me. I’m just some junkie who couldn’t even make you happy. I’ve never fucking deserved you.”  
“Don’t you think that’s for me to decide?”  
“So decide then?”  
“If you deserve me?”  
“If you want me back.”  
He seems taken aback, like this was the dumbest thing he’s ever heard.  
“Of course I want you back. I love you, you’re all I’ve ever-” And he doesn’t get to finish because Louis kisses him. The remaining three aren’t sure if it’s safe to leave the kitchen.

Suddenly the door flies open and they all jump back and yelp.  
“NICK!” Harry runs out of the kitchen and into his arms. “Ohmygosh Nick how did you get here?”  
“The roads are open again, opened this morning.”  
“Would you like some cake?” Zayn calls from the kitchen.

 

Louis doesn’t go home with Liam. He goes home with Niall, which feels like really coming home. It feels like waking up from a nightmare, or coming home from a very long day at school, _feels like safety, feels like home._ It smells the same, looks almost exactly the same and feels the same. Mildred or George recognizes him instantly and loses it. She rubs up against him, meows and follows him everywhere she goes.  
“I should probably return this.” Louis pulls the shirt out of his bag and hands it to Niall.  
“I should have known.”

Falling asleep in his old bed, in Niall’s arms was by far the greatest high he’d ever felt.

 

_He’d only been back in London for two hours but he ran over to Niall’s house next door and rang the doorbell. He didn’t get a chance to say anything before he was greeted with the biggest hug.  
“When did you bleach your hair?”  
“Some months ago, lost a dare.”  
“I think it suits you.”  
“How was Paris? When did you get back?”  
“Like… Just now. Had a wee and ran over here.”  
“You came here first? Come on in!”_

_And they’re sitting in Niall’s living room and Maura is making them snacks._

_“I haven’t seen you since last summer, and I got you something.” He pulls a shirt from under his jumper and hands it to Niall. “I reckon it’s a bit big on you now but you’ll grow into it.”  
“How did you know I liked The Eagles?”  
“You told me this one time...”_

Harry’s wedding is this extravagant, glamorous celebration, in the hotel they were supposed to be staying at last winter, of all places. The reception was in the cabin which Harry had bought and remodeled. It looked significantly more… Harry… now.

 

Louis was sporting his black “two year” chip on his necklace and Niall had inherited the 18 month one. It was a final promise that meant the world. Harry went around showing everyone pictures of their new kittens, claiming to be the world’s proudest uncle. Zayn walked off into the woods and Liam went after him.   
“Where are you going?”  
“You don’t remember these woods?”  
“We were here last winter.”  
Zayn shakes his head. “Before that…”  
Liam continues to follow him up the road through the woods to a place that felt slightly familiar. Zayn stops at a tree, points to the part that’s way higher up this time.

_ZM + LP  
forever_

“That was here?”  
And Zayn doesn’t answer but gets down on one knee, holding up the very ring he showed Liam last time they were there.

 

Harry’s in a white suit with a flower crown doing his first dance as Harry Grimshaw. Liam and Zayn return to the party wrapped around each other happily and glowing for the first time in so long. Louis takes Niall’s hand and leads him out to the dancefloor as everyone starts to dance.  
“Just like how it all started.” Niall laughs and it’s the laughter that gives him life.

 

_He didn’t want to leave the playground just yet, even though Liam and Harry already went home ages ago. He hung around for a little bit when he saw a boy his age crying.  
“Hey what’s wrong?”  
“I’m not supposed to talk to strangers…” And his accent sounds funny, like nothing he’s ever heard before.  
“I think that only goes for adults…”  
“Really? Well me brother’s gone off with some other kids and left me here and I’m lost.”  
“You sound odd.”  
“No you sound odd. I’m from Ireland where everyone talks like this.”  
“What’s your name?”  
“Niall, what’s yours?”  
“Louis. I’m 7, what about you?”  
“I’m also 7.”  
He remembered his new neighbor telling him about how she had a son his age who was coming to visit her in the summer, his name was Niall.  
“Is your mum’s name Maura?”  
Niall looks up and shoots him a grin with the cutest wonky teeth he’s ever seen. He nods.  
“Take my hand Niall, I know where to go!” and they get up.  
“What’s your favorite band, Louis?”  
“Rolling Stones, I reckon…”  
“Mine’s The Eagles.”_


End file.
